The Ten Commandments of Bad College Habits

Although I loved my college experience, it was often difficult to reconcile my gourmand proclivities and traces of OCD with the slovenly lifestyle of the beer-soaked dorm resident.

In no particular order, I present The Ten Commandments of Bad College Habits:

1) Thou shalt not use a case of beer in lieu of thy pillow.2) Thou shalt not eat birthday cake off the floor.3) Thou shalt not accessorize with beer cans.4)Thou shalt not cure thy hangover with three plates of bacon.5)Thou shalt not consume a handle of vodka during breakfast. Or with waffles, ever.6)Thou shalt not consume an entire box of Pepperidge Farm cookies nor store them next to thy laptop. Thou shalt not spill Red Bull upon thy laptop, thus rendering the keyboard ineffectual.7) Thou shalt not pose for lewd photos with thy food.8)Thou shalt not subsist on greasy takeout.9)Thou shalt not covet thy tub of processed orange sodium.10)Thou shalt not live upon cheap beer alone.